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Records of the Time Before
2018-Apr-27, Friday 08:37
I've been going back and reading through some of my older blog posts lately. One of the major benefits of my having been posting on LJ and then DW for so long is that I basically have a record of my entire adulthood here. If I have doubts about my behavior or thoughts, I can go back and see what I wrote about at the time.
I've learned, for example, that some things about me don't change. I'll probably always be inordinately nervous about meeting new people, and I might always feel a little lonely. I'll probably always get very depressed in the face of failure. Those things have been with me for over a decade and I'd have to be a completely different person in order to change them. But, I can change how I deal with them. A decade ago, I was much more social even despite these worries, often with something to do every weekend. I didn't seem to feel that kind of urge to hermit and do nothing on weekends that I've felt in the last couple of years.
I played video games a lot, but I made more time for other things too. I told my therapist that this was actually really hopeful for me, because it means that I don't have to completely change my entire being in order to be the kind of person I'd like to be. I just have to remember who I was, once, and work to be more like that person again. It's something I've already proved that I can do.
I'm working on that. Going to a Starlight Radio Dreams show tonight. And going to movies. I used to do that all the time but really fell out of the habit, originally due to moving to Japan and later due to SOPA. Of course, it turns out that just not purchasing something and otherwise not saying anything about it is a completely ineffective means of protest because the corporation has no idea if you're a lost sale or just disinterested, and also, films like Black Panther making billions is itself a powerful message. I missed out on a lot by not going to movies, including some things I probably would have really enjoyed.
Speaking more of old posts, I found a very old post that chronicles my first forays into the World of Warcraft, the game that I've played the most and which was the overwhelming majority of my gaming time between 2006 and 2011. Little did I know when I started it that I'd rack up something like 500 days playtime. If only I had devoted even 10% of that to Japanese, I'd probably be fluent by now...
I also found this post from back when I worked at a newspaper. I'll put the relevant quote here:
I've learned, for example, that some things about me don't change. I'll probably always be inordinately nervous about meeting new people, and I might always feel a little lonely. I'll probably always get very depressed in the face of failure. Those things have been with me for over a decade and I'd have to be a completely different person in order to change them. But, I can change how I deal with them. A decade ago, I was much more social even despite these worries, often with something to do every weekend. I didn't seem to feel that kind of urge to hermit and do nothing on weekends that I've felt in the last couple of years.
I played video games a lot, but I made more time for other things too. I told my therapist that this was actually really hopeful for me, because it means that I don't have to completely change my entire being in order to be the kind of person I'd like to be. I just have to remember who I was, once, and work to be more like that person again. It's something I've already proved that I can do. I'm working on that. Going to a Starlight Radio Dreams show tonight. And going to movies. I used to do that all the time but really fell out of the habit, originally due to moving to Japan and later due to SOPA. Of course, it turns out that just not purchasing something and otherwise not saying anything about it is a completely ineffective means of protest because the corporation has no idea if you're a lost sale or just disinterested, and also, films like Black Panther making billions is itself a powerful message. I missed out on a lot by not going to movies, including some things I probably would have really enjoyed.
Speaking more of old posts, I found a very old post that chronicles my first forays into the World of Warcraft, the game that I've played the most and which was the overwhelming majority of my gaming time between 2006 and 2011. Little did I know when I started it that I'd rack up something like 500 days playtime. If only I had devoted even 10% of that to Japanese, I'd probably be fluent by now...
I also found this post from back when I worked at a newspaper. I'll put the relevant quote here:
"Sir, our inability to cover a story on a certain day is not a violation of your First Amendment rights."I've slept badly every night this week, and I can only blame one of them on the child downstairs crying. Hopefully this weekend I can make some of it up!
-one of the reporters
