It's like Sisyphus but the mountain keeps growing
2018-Oct-16, Tuesday 09:38![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dorchadas
I figured out what it is that's dissatisfying about work. Before, on the old database, it was possible for me to finish everything, to run through all the outstanding records in the queue and move on to helping other sections with their work. With the new database, due mostly to the interface slowing my working speed, I've never managed to do that. There's always more out there, more than I can seem to ever finish, and it's not longer even divided into individual projects. There's no sense of ever accomplishing anything, just trying to bail out a leaky boat using a single bucket and standing in water the whole time.
No wonder I don't feel like I accomplish anything anymore.
Currently I'm dealing with the personal revelation that my stomach hurting literally every day for the past three years (generally a 3 on the pain scale, often spiking up to 4, sometimes to 5) is chronic pain. Right now it's a 4, and it's been 4 or 5 from Friday to today. It made the vaudeville show I went to Saturday night less enjoyable than it otherwise would have (which isn't much to start with--I'm not a big vaudeville fan) and keeps interfering with me trying to eat breakfast. I never thought of it as "chronic pain" before, because that's for people who are seriously affected, right? It doesn't disrupt my eating (unless it's breakfast), it doesn't disrupt my sleep (the nightmares do that), it doesn't keep me indoors or make me change my habits to manage it. It's not "bad enough," whatever that means. A friend said that I shouldn't have to suffer with it, and he's...right?
It's almost certainly psychosomatic due to anxiety and stress, though, since I went to get some tests done and the doctors didn't find anything. So, worry less. I'll get right on that.
I even had a parfait earlier from the commissary and it just made my stomach hurt worse, so
Been staring at this a while and don't have anything else to write, so I'll end it here.
No wonder I don't feel like I accomplish anything anymore.
Currently I'm dealing with the personal revelation that my stomach hurting literally every day for the past three years (generally a 3 on the pain scale, often spiking up to 4, sometimes to 5) is chronic pain. Right now it's a 4, and it's been 4 or 5 from Friday to today. It made the vaudeville show I went to Saturday night less enjoyable than it otherwise would have (which isn't much to start with--I'm not a big vaudeville fan) and keeps interfering with me trying to eat breakfast. I never thought of it as "chronic pain" before, because that's for people who are seriously affected, right? It doesn't disrupt my eating (unless it's breakfast), it doesn't disrupt my sleep (the nightmares do that), it doesn't keep me indoors or make me change my habits to manage it. It's not "bad enough," whatever that means. A friend said that I shouldn't have to suffer with it, and he's...right?
It's almost certainly psychosomatic due to anxiety and stress, though, since I went to get some tests done and the doctors didn't find anything. So, worry less. I'll get right on that.
I even had a parfait earlier from the commissary and it just made my stomach hurt worse, so
Been staring at this a while and don't have anything else to write, so I'll end it here.
