Jun. 22nd, 2017 06:50 pm
schoolpsychnerd: (Default)
[personal profile] schoolpsychnerd
I don't talk a lot about being Bi-sexual (for me that means I'm attracted to two genders, mine and not mine. I know that technically that may be more pan but I've been using bi since high school and it feels more comfortable to me) lately, particularly with it being pride month. I've always wanted to go to Pride, like since I was old enough to know what Pride was, and yet I've never been. Some of it I say is that the idea of being in the sun surrounded by a bunch of people, and that's certainly true. However, a big part of it is that I've never felt like I belonged in the LGBTQIA community until recently.

I'd had crushes on girls about the same age I had crushes on boys. I didn't realize you could have a crush on girls so I tended to read it as "I would have a crush on them if they were a boy" or "I want to be like them" or "I admire them". I realized my freshman year of high school that I was, in fact, probably bi and definitely liked girls like I liked boys. I came out to one of my best friends, who was gay. His response "It's a phase. Everyone gets crushes on people of the same gender. You haven't ever dated a woman so you're not bi. You're just horny". I mean, I figured he was the expert. And I heard a lot of bi-bashing from him. The idea that a bi-person would always leave you for a straight passing relationship, that bi folks are permisuous, that we are doing it for attention, that we are defined by who we are dating, that if we are dating someone of our gender it's still not real because we still identify as bi. I don't hold any anger or resentment towards this person. But I took that biphobia and made it mine. Plus it was kind of widely thought that I was a lesbian anyway by a certain portion of my high school in spite of the fact I exclusively dated boys in high school. My experiences with other women, when I did tell Holden Caufield Guy, he turned it into the selacious story for his titlation and like, got really weird about it and in retrospect displayed Abuser Red Flags around it. But I didn't have a community or the internet. I didn't know that this treatment was shitty.

I went to Knox and felt a bit freer to also like girls. This is back when girls kissing at a party was A Thing That Was For Entertainment and there was a lot of pressure to prove that you weren't "just kissing girls for attention". I didn't use the word bi because again, I tended to date men even though I had sexual experiences with other women (not while dating the men). I started saying I was heteroflexible, or a Kinsey 3. I thought I couldn't really be bi because clearly I didn't like men and women exactly equal. I eventually stopped talking about it all together. I got married and at that point talking about my sexual identity seemed moot. I mean, I married a man so what did it matter if I was also attracted to women? I thought of coming out to my family at some point, but figured it would be met with at best a "so?"

I did come out to my brother and aunt. feels like so much less of a high stakes thing. I was in my 20s, in Japan, married. And my brother, who tried to start a GSA in our town and did start one in college, said "it doesn't matter who you're with. it's your identity." My brother has always spoken from a place of his truth. I was out in grad school, at one point my professor pointed out to me that I may have been the lone LGBTQIA person in our program and I joked "Well I'm married to a man so I barely count" and he said emphatically "you count". It was easier for me on like, day 2 of grad school to tell a bunch of strangers that I was bi than it was for me to put on facebook on national coming out day (up until this year I either didn't comment or said I was an ally.)

I know there are so many experiences I didn't have because I am bi and have been in straight-passing relationships. And I often feel like there isn't space for me. Like being a Jewish kid with a Christian mom, I feel like I have to prove my ability to belong. I have to show people that I am queer enough to be able to go to pride and not have people think I'm a tourist.

I make sure my bi-students feel affirmed. Some of my students know I'm bi because I've accidentally used "we" when talking about bi-phobia. When they ask, I don't deny it. I affirm their identity no matter who they are dating. A lot of them have said that family members or friends would be ok with them being gay or lesbian but cannot deal with the fact that they are attracted to more than one gender. And yes, friends who are a part of the LGBTQIA community too. It breaks my heart when my students hear the same things I heard from a community I was supposed to be a part of. I know in that community I have a lot of privileged. I'm white, upper SES, cis, and in a straight-passing relationship. And bi-phobia still hurts. Maybe someday I'll go to Pride and not be pre-occupied with people figuring I don't belong.

(no subject)

Jun. 22nd, 2017 06:57 pm
ironymaiden: (taciturn man)
[personal profile] ironymaiden
I've missed a few D&D sessions due to the film festival.

there was a point last week (I think it was when I chained the slaver to the human sacrifice tree with the manacles he had used to chain slaves, and left him there) where C said "[personal profile] ironymaiden is back!"

I like to say that I know the love of a taciturn man, but what if we're really Dianda and Patrick Lorden*?

*there are no good links. She's a murder mermaid, he's her conscience. I may have to build out their stub on the fandom wiki.

(no subject)

Jun. 21st, 2017 12:49 pm
nelc: Bob Howard from the cover of The Fuller Momorandum (Fuller)
[personal profile] nelc

So, I've been listening to a lot of atheist Youtubes lately, which led me to Chris Shelton's videos about Scientology. And I was listening to the one about the escape of the present cult leader Miscavige's dad from the cult, and I thought of Maum Meditation, and then I wondered if there were any debunking videos. So I did a search, and like the third or fourth video was the one above, which is a short one of my friend YJ talking about Maum.

I wasn't expecting that, or the jolt of unresolved feelings I had when I recognised her in the thumbnail. It's been ten years already. YJ is a warm, loving person, and I'm sure she thinks she's helping people by being a Maum "helper", but I so wish that she wasn't still with them. I think that's all I want to say about that right now.

For more on Maum, click on the Maum tag below.

what i saw June 20, 2017 at 10:25AM

Jun. 20th, 2017 05:25 pm
ironymaiden: (beholder)
[personal profile] ironymaiden

Eclipse sat by me on the bus today. She takes herself to the dog park a few times a week. Note the bus pass. something i saw

Doctor Who Big Finish audio

Jun. 18th, 2017 09:03 pm
ironymaiden: (9)
[personal profile] ironymaiden
i've been curious about the Big Finish audio plays, but i didn't know they were a thing until after 2005 (when one could argue that they were no longer needed) and then i was always put off by the cost.*

but hey, [personal profile] circular_time did a lot of work to collect the ones that are on Spotify and provide links. also, since i already have Napster, it turns out there are quite a few there as well.

*i know this is silly, i have a nice job and should pay for things i want to support. and i do, but "new" types of things take a while to get on the list of things i can buy. inside i'm still an unpaid intern living on costco canned fruit and the change in the couch cushions.

Lincoln Dinner

Jun. 18th, 2017 08:26 pm
ironymaiden: (AB)
[personal profile] ironymaiden
i've been involved in a series of dinners inspired by historic menus. (this started with King Midas' funerary feast a few years ago and has spiraled out of control from there.)

this one was based on the dinner menu for Abraham Lincoln's second inaugural (an annotated reference).

the damn thing is basically half meat and half desserts. by the time i had time to think about a dish (since i spent most of the last month+ in and out of movie theaters) the desserts were well-represented, so i decided to rep the "en geléé" portion of the menu. we also had oyster stew, chicken salad, chicken fricassee, tongue, fruit tarts, poundcake, and a charlotte. we watched a couple hours of Gettysburg, ate the savories, watched the rest, ate dessert.

i made this meat aspic recipe with beef.


  • i did the initial beef boiling in the crock pot on low during the work day, lifted out the (disintegrating) meat, then poured the liquid into a pot through a colander lined with coffee filters.

  • then i added the beef to the pot and i basically followed the recipe on the stove top from the adding of the aromatics point on. if i had to do it again, i would have bagged up the aromatics in cheese cloth like a bouquet garni - picking hot floppy onion and peppercorns out of a pile of hot meat is not super fun. if i had been home on the day i made it, i would have done the aromatic stage in the crock as well.

  • i was surprised at how little food a couple pounds of chuck roast turned into - one loaf pan plus one small dessert dish (my tester).

  • i was afraid that the amount of gelatin it called for was excessive, but it was perfect - a set soft enough to melt in the mouth, but firm enough to unmold neatly. i embedded flat leaf parsley on the top and the bottom, in case the tester tasted good but didn't unmold well.

  • i had nothing to fear:
    loaf of meat in clear gel with embedded parsley on top

    you eat it in slices (it takes a very sharp knife, cleaned between slices, to cut the meat neatly) with a bit of grainy mustard. i was surprised at how much i liked it, and it was a hit with everyone but C (who couldn't overcome the texture of the gelatin).

what i read

Jun. 18th, 2017 04:59 pm
dreamkist: silhouette of alice in front of rabbit's house (alice)
[personal profile] dreamkist
At E3 It's The End Of The World, And Nothing Feels Fine


Two years ago today my mother died,
eighty-nine and brilliant, stubborn, brave.
I broke one of her cardinal rules and cried

Governor Abbott’s Beef with Tree Ordinances Has Its Roots in a Pecan Tree He Destroyed to Build a New Home

How can a child die of toothache in the US?

Keep America Wild

Let’s call these places ours, the solid earth, the actual world, held and revered and looked after in common, as common members of this magnificent country. Let’s make America rich again, as deliriously rich as it was on the day Thoreau tried to climb that wild mountain.

A lifeline for Native Americans struggling to survive

Myers and her nonprofit, Adopt-A-Native-Elder, travel to 11 impoverished areas of Arizona and Utah, bringing aid to Navajo elders 75 and older.

Performance Of A Lifetime

On Invisible Illness, Gender, and Disbelief

The Secret, Violent History Of My Childhood Home

'Sense8' True Story: The Real Science Of The Sensates Explained

"Get Stuffed"

Jun. 18th, 2017 07:46 am
nelc: (Apocalypse)
[personal profile] nelc
From 2013, just in case Boris thinks that now is an opportune moment to make a bid for leadership of the Tories:

Such a lovable scamp.

The Notice formerly known as D

Jun. 17th, 2017 03:39 am
nelc: (Default)
[personal profile] nelc

FYI: D-Notices, still popular in the media as a trope, were renamed DA-Notices in 1993, and are now named DSMA-Notices (Defence and Security Media Advisory Notices).
nelc: (Brain)
[personal profile] nelc


Coffee and Comfort

NSFW Jun. 15th, 2017 01:28 pm
pshaw_raven: (X-Ray Forest)
[personal profile] pshaw_raven
( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

(no subject)

Jun. 15th, 2017 12:46 am
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Shion/Mion♥We will meet you where)
[personal profile] alwaysbeenasmiler
I have so much adulting to do beginning friday-- it's not even funny. But I have put in the reservation for the uhaul on saturday the 24th. <3 I feel like I accomplished something. That just means once I get settled, and I am able to play Stormblood, I will find a supreme sense of satisfaction. Awww yeah!

Skyr, Takk.

NSFW Jun. 14th, 2017 04:58 pm
pshaw_raven: (Flying Raven)
[personal profile] pshaw_raven
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Healing comes-- eventually

Jun. 14th, 2017 12:05 am
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Asbel☆I don't know where to start)
[personal profile] alwaysbeenasmiler
FFX-2 is a really tricky thing for me, I loved the game when I first played it. But somewhere a long the way, things happened and drama exploded and it was just a series that I buried-- dead and gone. People that I associated with the game, things that I was reminded of. Never in the life of Nia have I ever had a breakup that justified me deciding that an entire game was dead and buried. (7 year relationship that at it's basis was Xenogears, nope-- still love that game and won't give it up even though I am not gung-ho fanatical about it at this stage in my life). But there was this girl, this psychotic girl who called herself the "Deathseeker" and I fell in with her brand of psychoticness. I don't even know how bad it went since it was one of those LONG DISTANCE THINGS and I had no clue about her except what she told me.

But she went batshit crazy-- even faked her own death in order to get away from me (or something). Let me tell you, I have a low opinion of people who fake their own death especially online. (if somehow, you want an example of the sheer ammount of crazy-- here is her HI I AM NOT DEAD SUCKERS letter to the world. I can't even begin to make up shit like that.

We RPed Baralai and Nooj, and let me tell you-- once that relationship was over and done with, I pretty much shoved Baralai muse into an open coffin and shut it tightly, because it was a reminder of a weak point in my life. (and I must of been weak in order to have been so DUPED by that, blinded actually might be a better word). But today I was listening to my music while working and without thinking about it, I heard a song and went "That's Baralai to a T"

Which surprised the ever loving fuck out of me and caused me to re-evaluate my life. And I thought to myself-- is it possible that perhaps I have gotten over that travesty, I've finally reached a point where those memories are just stupid and idiotic? I was 24 at the time and I think perhaps the statue of limitations has gone up over that, but it left me relieved, not because I thought about a character that I had buried but because well-- there's just something cleansing about being able to think about something that previous-to had been able to bring putrid bile to the back of my throat and go, "Well okay, I think I can think about that now and just feel nostalgia-- no revulsion, nothing"

So perhaps I may make an icon, a sort of little remembrance of him, but I don't know-- it's just nice to have a nice little piece of clarity in the here and now.

On an un-related note-- OWEN AND I CLOSE ON OUR HOUSE ON THE 23rd!!! Which means that for a few weeks, I'll probably be without internet, which is all fine and good, I'll be busy anyways! But yes, super excited to move into our home and I will be able to pester Owen ALL THE TIME! (he's so happy lol)

Spicy Sauce

NSFW Jun. 13th, 2017 03:53 pm
pshaw_raven: (Good Medicine)
[personal profile] pshaw_raven
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All the Myriad Multiverses

Jun. 12th, 2017 07:06 am
nelc: (Brain)
[personal profile] nelc

When quantum physicists talk about alternate universes and the multiverse, it's a different thing to what astrophysicists and cosmologists mean when they talk about the multiverse and alternate universes.

As explained to me by an astrophysicist at the local Science Festival Saturday (so if this is wrong it's down to me), when quantum physicists talk about the multiverse, they mean all the quantum universes where any time a particle does one thing or another, those universes split off, e.g. one where Shroedinger's cat is dead, one where it's alive; or one (or several) where Napoleon won Waterloo, and a bunch where he lost. Alternate histories in sci-fi terms. These all "occupy" the same space our universe does, and getting from one to another would mean doing something spooky to our quantum states or something.

Meanwhile, a cosmologist may be talking about different branes, where different three-dimensional spaces may be floating around n-dimensional super-spaces, coinciding with ours only in that the first three dimensional co-ordinates are the same but the higher dimensional co-ordinates are different. Since their origins are different, they have no relationship to ours, and may enjoy different physical laws. Travelling to them would mean finding a way to move through those higher dimensions.

Or, they may be different universes only in that they are beyond the event horizon of our universe, and they were pinched off from ours during the inflationary period when the universe expanded faster than light. Being permanently out of contact with us (until FTL is invented) they may have different physical laws pertaining locally.

: Music Meme - Day 9 :

Jun. 11th, 2017 11:05 pm
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Raven/Alexei♥So everybody lives and)
[personal profile] alwaysbeenasmiler
Now, due to this meme-- y'all are gonna see how varied my music taste truly is

9. A Song that makes you happy

"Uptown Funk" by Mark Ronson feat Bruno Mars

Okay, to clarify-- I am not a big Bruno Mars fan. Well not his romantic lovely dovey stuff (my boyfriend is a fan of Bruno Mars stuff that is silly and sappy and sentimental), but I really like his baller/jazz gangster stuff, and this has got to be one of the catchiest songs that I've ever hard. Insidious-- it gets in your head so easily and so I can't help but like it (I also really like 24K Magic and have been known to jam to that). Give me money, a swagger beat and none of this 'knocked out of heaven' bullcrap. When I sing this, I feel like a pimpin' gangsta and I seriously need to be driving a mazzarati or something a long those lines. don't judge me

The Music List )

what i read

Jun. 11th, 2017 04:59 pm
dreamkist: will graham in yellow light with eyes closed (will eyes closed)
[personal profile] dreamkist
Isn’t America a Dream?

The Cathedral of Learning towers over the new center of Pittsburgh. I nicknamed this building the Tower of Death.

Lines Of Spines

What is a library?

On Kathy Griffin, Performative Outrage, and the Relativity of Shame

The posturing of righteous indignation was not only the safest possible reaction, but something of an obligation. This outrage performance is an unnerving handicap on the productivity of public discourse and further evidence of our mounting inability to process relativity in a moment where the cultural force of shame appears to be malfunctioning. Or, in other words: Where the hell is the line if Donald Trump gets to be president?

The Refreshing Queer Sensibility of American Gods

The saturated look of the America presented here, where sunshine scorches and neon lights dominate nighttime scenes, helps defamiliarize the world Shadow finds himself navigating, but it also makes viewers aware of how instrumental color, texture, and light are to Fuller’s vision.

This is what it’s like to be struck by lightning

If you’re hit by lightning, there’s a nine in ten chance you’ll survive. But what are the lasting effects of being exposed to hundreds of millions of volts?

You're Getting Hustled By Bustle

And We’ve Got a Few Things To Say


dorchadas: (Default)

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