I guess that doesn't matter, then 🤬

[dorchadas]

I didn't realize how extremely annoyed someone telling me they would do something, putting it off to a later date when I asked about it, and then completely blowing it off without any acknowledgement or apology would make me. I spent a bit of time today thinking that I was overreacting, and then I realized that no, I'm not. It's reasonable to be annoyed at someone for failing to follow through on their soft commitments and not even apologizing or offering a reason when I mentioned it today to try to reschedule. The reasonable conclusion is that they don't care

This is a bit of a flash point for me, because I spent thirteen years being unable to trust whether something I was told would get done would actually get done (it was about 80% chance it would happen). Sometimes I was told it would get done four or five times, and only when I got annoyed enough to do it myself would it actually get done. It was all of those comics about emotional labor except with the genders reversed, which means I have a pretty hard time relating to the people who post them sincerely as-is. I also spent thirteen years suppressing my annoyance about it, because schoolpsychnerd treated any time I was angry as me being angry at her as a person, rather than angry at her actions, and then it turned into a debate over her fundamental worth as a human being. So eventually I squashed down all my feelings to avoid having a discussion about chores or about something that bothered me get refocused onto her yet again.

I told my therapist that sometimes I had the urge to laugh during our arguments about how terrible she was and I felt really badly about it, because I certainly didn't think it was funny. Now I realize that I was trying so hard not to feel anything that my body didn't know what to do with its sensations and decided on laughter.

You know, I guess that's one facet of what they call "dissociating."

So now I'm annoyed, and that's healthy and reasonable. The part that's not healthy or reasonable, that I need to work on, is the urge to immediately cut them out of my life completely. This is not a particularly serious incident and that would be an overreaction. But I am allowed to be angry.

Edit: The main thrust of this post is still true, but now I feel a little sheepish because they contacted me after work and arranged to drop off the boxes, so now I can go back to packing without any problems.

Comments

[omnipotent]

My initial reaction was to say, "don't feel sheepish about your previous annoyance", but in keeping with you re-learning how to feel and getting in touch with all of your emotions, I feel it would be in poor taste to say that. So I will say there's no need to feel some type of way about having felt annoyed. It's nice that the person contacted you, but this person ALSO could have done the things that you felt were reasonable (offering an explanation, not putting it off in the first place).

[dorchadas]

Thank you. Not having to come up with an iron-clad justification for my emotions is definitely one of the things my therapist was working on me with, since it doesn't really help. As the saying goes:

Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.
-from The Sayings of Muad'Dib by the Princess Irulan

Logical arguments are intellectually satisfying, but they're not actually convincing. And I don't need a "good reason" to feel what I feel.

...I tell myself, and most of the time I believe it nowadays! So that's progress.

Ps: unrelated

[omnipotent]

A few days ago I was playing World 3 of Super Mario Bros 3 and had made it to level 3-3....and Boss Bass ate me towards the end of the level. I thought of you!

Re: Ps: unrelated

[dorchadas]

Hooray!

Boss Bass is just... You're doing okay, and then it just rockets in from offscreen and eats you. YOU DIED.

I do love all those single-level gimmicks, though.

[dreamkist]

500% relatable.

[law]

glad it worked out in the end! just popping in to say, ' woah megatokyo '. that's a blast from the past for sure. anyway, it's cool that you're owning up to your feelings and not pushing them down or trying to run away from them. it's totally okay to be annoyed or displeased with someone when they do somethin' messed up. i've been examining the way i've sort of cut people out of my life recently, wondering if that's always the best course of action. for some cases it was for my mental health but, for others, i just didn't want to deal with my own feelings so i took it out on the other party.

it can be tricky knowing when to really do it and when it's actually a bit too much.

[dorchadas]

I've had that icon for almost a decade and a half. And I actually still read Megatokyo! RSS feeds mean I just read it when it comes up and otherwise forget that it exists.

I'm having the same thing. I used to lean more toward just cutting people out, or stopping talking to them, but I think I was much too quick on the draw and being more forgiving would be better. I'm trying that now--including with the person in this post--and we'll see how it goes. I'm in a better place mentally than I was back when I kept cutting the cord, so I'm hopeful.

[law]

ah cool, i haven't read it in years but i have some good memories of it. one time in high school i made a poster with largo on it for health class. it was about ' fear '. i had it spelled in l33t underneath him in bubble letters with some info about things that cause it or something. the teacher put it up on the wall with the rest and about an hour later someone stole it so i never saw it again, haha.

and yeah, i can definitely relate. i've crossed paths with a lot of people who weren't good for me so i went from being really forgiving to just completely cutting the cord on a lot of people at once. sometimes i'd cut off well meaning people too and that's when i started to examine my habits. mental health had a lot to do with it too. now that i'm also in a better place it's easier to take a step back before i doorslam someone.

good luck with finding the balance tho!

[dorchadas]

Oh wow, l33t-speak. I haven't thought about that in a long time.

I remember wondering how many people still read Megatokyo with its erratic and sporadic release schedule, and then a Kickstarter for a visual novel made $300,000, so...

And thank you! This all turned out okay, so it's reminding me not to be so black-and-white about this sort of thing. People should be allowed to make mistakes and I have to remember they have their own stuff going on.